Lucky
by ollia
Summary: People do have soulmates, but nothing good ever comes out of it. The society doesn't accept easily those who pursue their selfish desires over their duty. Sakura won't ever have this problem – her soulmate is dead. She can consider herself lucky. For MadaSaku Weekend 2019
1. Chapter 1

**Lucky**

**Chapter 1**

* * *

**AN:** This is an entry for MadaSaku Weekend Day 1. Prompt: Soulmate AU.

This fic turned out so long that I needed to break it into two chapters. Part 2, containing MadaSaku proper, coming tomorrow.

* * *

Sakura is five and for as long as she remembers she spends her afternoons in a dark room. Windows are covered, doors are firmly shut and lamps are not even there. But it's alright, because her mother is with her. And that's the way all other kids spend their afternoons after all, that's just how it is.

Sakura enjoys it, actually – her mother has time for her, she tells her stories, sings her songs, plays guessing games with her. Sakura likes "tell a word that starts with the letter my word ended" game alright, but the "guess what I'm thinking about" game she adores. She is good in asking questions, good in breaking down a problem. They play memo games as well, and her mother praises her. Sakura is proud.

But she likes it the most when neighbours' girls come for a sleepover. They are allowed to play as long as they want. Playing in the dark is so much fun. They tumble, play monsters, make tickling contests or simply run around in the futon-covered room screaming and screeching.

One day Sakura asks why do they need to stay in the dark. She is good in asking questions, isn't she?

"We're doing this to spare this little boy, who is your soulmate – whoever he is and wherever he is - the strain of having a vision. When you're still so small," her mother pats her on the head, "the vision can only show something that happened two to three hours before you fall asleep. And if all you see at that time is black, then when he falls asleep this vision will be just a flash of blackness." Sakura looks at her mother with furrowed eyebrows. It sounds complicated. Her mother lowers herself on the knee in front of her. "Remember when I told you that just before you fall asleep you may see a flash of something? Just before you fall asleep your eyes are closed, right? It's all black in front of your eyes…?" Sakura nods. "It's same for him, he also falls asleep with his eyes closed, right?" Sakura giggles at the joke. "So, if then he will only see the blackness of your room, it won't be any different from the normal blackness of the closed eyes. Do you understand?"

Sakura chews her bottom lip. "But we're not very quiet, won't he hear us? When Kasumi and Aiko are here, we sometimes scream so much that even papa gets angry…"

"No, he won't. The voice doesn't go through the visions. It's just what you see. Like a photograph."

"But I don't see any photographs before I fall asleep…" pouts Sakura.

"Well, probably the parents of this little boy also send him to the dark room before his nighttime. That's what people should do, it only means he has good and caring parents, Sakura-chan."

Sakura nods and runs off because Kasumi yells from over the fence that they want to play rope-skipping. What her mother says sounds logical enough, and either the way Sakura isn't too preoccupied with that part of her daily routine.

It wasn't always like this. She doesn't remember it very well, but when she was smaller, she used to have nightmares. She would wake up screaming and crying, and her mother needed to wrap her tightly in a blanket and carry her around. Even now, if she tries, she can remember those monsters from her dreams. They were all white, with such a sickly colour that didn't quite fit to their human form; the colour of fungi, or of plant roots. Some of them had something jagged around their necks. Other ones didn't have faces at all but a whirlpool instead. But the worst was when she saw a boy together with the monsters. The boy was big, looked as if he had graduated from the Academy already. But in comparison to the monsters he looked so small. He was lying flat on a bed and the monsters were doing things to him. Sakura remembers crying and screaming in terror. Half of the boy's body was gone and this white stuff, that the monsters were made of, was there instead.

Her mother asked her questions; many, many questions. Sakura told her everything, all the details, describing everything those monsters did. Her mother listened and assured her that those were dreams. "If that's so detailed, so long, these cannot be flashes in a child so young. These must be dreams." - Sakura overheard once in a conversation between her parents.

Those dreams stopped soon enough though and now Sakura is unbothered by dreams or visions.

Even before she goes to the Academy it changes though. During one of the sleepovers Kasumi, who is two years older than Sakura, tells her in hushed voice: "I think I had it last night!"

"And?!" Sakura grabs her shoulder and out of excitement almost topples poor Kasumi on the floor. "How was it like? What did you see?"

"Shh…" chastised them Aiko. "Keep quiet, the adults will get mad."

"I saw food on a plate. And he was holding something strange to eat it with, not chopsticks but something out of metal…"

"Wow…" is all that Sakura can say. She can't wait until she gets flash of her own. What will she see? She's so excited.

.

Sakura goes to the Academy. Ino, the girl she sits with, is blond and bold and loud. Quite different from Sakura. Good for Ino that she has so much guts, because people tend to whisper nasty things behind her back. They talk about Ino's mother and father being soulmates. They make fun of it, especially the boys. But girls as well – when they want to prove a point against Ino they say: "of course she is selfish – what else to expect from a kid of soulmates?", and other stuff like that. Sakura gets to hear it but she doesn't have enough courage to defend her friend. They never say it into Ino's face though, because Ino is a bit scary. Her father is important and Ino will also be important when she grows up. Even now she already knows a creepy jutsu of her clan that lets her get into your head.

Sakura' mother isn't very happy that she is now best friends with Ino. Sakura is not allowed to go to Ino's house because Sakura's mother doesn't like Ino's mother. She always calls her "that woman" so Sakura for a long time doesn't even know what is the name of Ino's mum. She also says "scandalous" and Sakura doesn't understand what it means. But Ino's father is clan's head and when Ino comes to play Sakura's mother is always nice to her.

When Sakura finally meets Ino's mum, she is taken by her peculiar hairdo and her beautiful dress that flows almost to the ground. Ino's mum speaks with a strange accent, but still Sakura doesn't understand why nobody likes her.

She doesn't spend her afternoons in the dark room anymore – she has homework to do, and it would have been pointless anyhow. At her age the flashes could reach back many hours into the day, they could transfer things she saw also during her mornings, so there is no way to prevent them.

.

Next the flashes come for Tenten. Tenten is one class higher, but still the girls from Sakura's class flock around her as well, when in a corner of the schoolyard she reports what she saw. Nothing that Tenten says is that interesting per se, but still they all screech in excitement. The teacher surprises them and they all get three pages of extra math equations to solve as punishment. Girls from her class get plus and minus exercises while the second graders get the times tables!

Soon they learn not to talk about the flashes. The adults scold them and give them ugly looks when they do. Nevertheless, Sakura still waits for her flashes to come.

When she's eight, she asks her mother why doesn't she have them yet.

"But that's good," answers her mother.

"I want to have them as well! All the girls…" complains Sakura.

"They shouldn't think about it," her mother shuts her down. "And even less talk about it. Haven't their parent taught them anything?!"

"But it's fun!"

"Eating hard candy is also fun, but it's bad for your teeth. So is this."

Sakura loves hard candy, especially the sweet-sour variety. She loves how they crunch between her teeth. But yes, it's bad for her, she knows.

.

Two years later, when she is ten and still doesn't have flashes, she gathers courage to touch the topic again with her mother. This time her mother doesn't brushes her off.

"You shouldn't worry about it," her mother tells her. "People aren't supposed to meet their soulmates anyhow. Some do and nothing good comes out of it."

By then some of the girls, as far as Sakura knows, see already movement in their flashes. Because the connection strengthens with age and lets you see longer glimpses of the life of your soulmate, as Ino explained to her. Sakura feels awfully left out.

"But why don't I see anything, when all others do?"

Her mother gives her a long look. "You are big enough already to know that we are very, very lucky to live in the times of peace. It wasn't like that before, and it isn't like that in other parts of the world. There are wars, and there are diseases. Not everyone has a hospital in their town like we do…"

"Mum, what are you trying to say?!"

"Honey, it's very probable that that little boy who was your soulmate… He didn't make it. I don't think he's alive."

Sakura cries and her mother wraps her arms around her. "Of course, it's sad that someone so young has passed away, but we don't even know who he was. It doesn't change anything in your life. All your classmates – they won't ever meet their soulmates either. The world is huge, there are millions and millions of people out there… And that's how it is supposed to be. People who meet their soulmates… They change. They are no longer the same people that they used to be. Nothing is important to them anymore, nothing except their soulmate. Imagine how that would work, if we all start to act so selfishly?"

Her mother's voice is raised and Sakura cries even more. Now she feels as if her mother was angry at her.

"You train to be a ninja – imagine what would happen if a Konoha shinobi suddenly discovered that his soulmate is from an enemy village? And what he would do? Defect? Go missing-nin? There would be treason over treason. Not to mention the bloodline clans – how would that even work if people just went and married random strangers?"

Sakura nods but still weeps when her mother finally says something that gets her attention. "It doesn't mean you won't be able to love somebody. You will. And you will _choose_ whom you will love. Isn't that great?"

.

Sakura takes her mother's words to her heart. And chooses Sasuke. He is cool, and strong; he's the best in all the classes and has such beautiful eyes. And his face would be really nice had he smiled more often. Sakura thinks he needs someone to make him smile. She hopes she can be that person.

And when she sets her mind on him, she means it. Everything else stops to matter. She even breaks up her friendship with Ino over Sasuke. Is this how having a soulmate feels?

Luck smiles at her when she gets assigned to Team 7 along with Sasuke. Sakura is over the moon. Completing C- and D-rank missions Sakura gets to spend some precious time with Sasuke-kun. And she gets to see more of the word.

Team 7 escorts a daughter of a lesser noble to her wedding. The girl is barely older than Sakura, keeps her mouth shut in a firm line during the days and weeps during the nights. Sakura asks whether she cries about a soulmate she left behind. No, the girl answers, she cries because she's afraid. Her father received an ultimatum: a marriage alliance or war. And she is an obedient daughter and she's doing it for her people, but still – she is afraid. Sakura half admires her, half wants to shake her and tell her she doesn't need to sacrifice herself. But what does Sakura know about being a noble…?

Ordinary people don't have it easier either. Team 7 gets sent a lot to the villages suffering from natural disasters. Sakura sees how hard people have to work to ensure the harvest. How much grueling, physical labour it takes. She starts to understand why marrying neighbours' boy - so that the rice paddies belonging to the new family are supplied by one water channel - is so important. Comes a drought or a landslide – the men will need to work on fixing _one_ channel only. That can be a difference between life and death for the entire family.

She understands now the responsibilities that people carry.

Yet she throws that all in the wind the night Sasuke leaves. She tells him she will go with him, she offers betrayal of the village, she offers everything she has. He rejects it all.

She never tells anyone about what she was ready to do. It eats her inside that she offered treason and it had no value to him. If he was her soulmate, would he accept her sacrifice? But she loves him still. She can love him as strongly as if she was really his soulmate.

* * *

Shikamaru comes into her office. He looks more grumpy than usual and Sakura checks his file. 'Weight loss, ninjutsu and taijutsu performance steadily decreasing, chakra fluctuations reported by Jounin Leader. The patient voices no complaints about his health.' – reads on his card.

Sakura does her job – she checks his vitals, samples blood, sends chakra into his body. Searches. Finds increased chakra output and something that looks like a generalized inflammatory reaction. She asks about symptoms, about his recent history – he shrugs her off.

"Shikamaru, I'm trying to help you. I understand that no one likes being in hospital but it's for your own good."

Shikamaru shrugs again. "You're troublesome. Just sign here that I'm fine and send me home."

A vein pops on Sakura's forehead. "I won't. Because you're not fine. Now answer my questions: Do you feel any different? Does any body part feel peculiar?" All she gets are headshakes. She continues. "Sleeping problems? Troubles breathing? How about eating? Can you pinpoint when it started?"

"Sakura, drop it already!"

Sakura bangs her palm against the desk. "You're too smart not to notice the symptoms in your own organism! Tell me how does it feel and in under what circumstances it started! If you don't, I'm going to lock you down here until I find it out myself!"

"And if I do?" Shikamaru cocks his head. "Will you let me out and stop bothering me?"

Sakura narrows her eyes. There is a catch in it, there's no doubt. But Shikamaru knows something and if he tells her…

"If I tell you will you sign my 'fit for duty' papers?"

She has taken all the samples already. She could send him into a scanner, but she's confident that her chakra check is as good as the machine. Sakura weights her options. "You must tell me everything though. Then I can work on it when you're not here."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes."

For a split of second Shikamaru looks away from her. Sakura turns her head to see at what was he looking, but there's nothing there – only a calendar on the wall. "Fine. Lock me down then."

Sakura gapes. And, seething, assigns him a room.

Entire next week she runs tests on him but nothing specific comes out. She isn't any closer to solution than she was on day one. Sakura is furious.

Shikamaru, on the other hand, keeps himself occupied with paperwork. Some lengthy analysis, it seems – his mother brought him entire box of papers the next day after he was admitted. Whenever Sakura passes along the corridor, she sees him bent over the writing board, pencil in mouth, tables and papers spread all over his bedcovers. Sakura never thought Shikamaru could be so hard working.

He is losing weight. Whatever burns him front the inside, isn't stopped by anti-inflammatory drugs. Sakura considers a leukemia. She orders more blood tests. They come out clear. She buries herself in library, researching the rarest leukocyte populations, trying to conceptualize and set up an assay from scratch.

On the ninth day she comes to a conclusion that it is a blind end street – had it been a rare-cells leukemia, the exact cells would become more prominent in the blood image. She drops the work on her assays.

She starts suspecting an autoimmunological disease and dives into literature.

On the twelfth day Tsunade comes by. In the end, the heir of the Nara clan on a prolonged hospital stay is a reason for concern. Sakura is present at examination. Her shishou pumps chakra into him and seeks. Seeks long, with her eyes closed. Then she asks. Shikamaru denies all symptoms and claims he feels fine.

"Only that you're in constant pain, right, Nara?" Tsunade stares at him point blank.

Sakura spins. In pain? She looks at him more carefully – there is tension in Shikamaru's shoulders, something heavy around the corners of his lips. He's more grumpy than usual. Pain? How could she miss it? But Tsunade-sama has half of century of experience behind her belt – Sakura with her one year of training still cannot compare.

Tsunade orders a check for metabolites and tells Sakura to go through Shikamaru's mission register and screen him for all the parasites and bacteria from the regions he had been sent to. Going through his files Sakura is surprised how often Suna features on Shikamaru's raster.

She takes more blood samples and since some pathogens like to settle in inaccessible places also probes from knee and spinal fluids. When she drains his spinal fluid Shikamaru finally loses his cool and promises her long and painful death. Sakura is optimistic.

She is less optimistic when three days later all the metabolite and seven out of eleven pathogen tests are back. And negative.

Two days later, just before lunch a nurse dashes into Sakura's office. "It's Nara Shikamaru! He calls for you. Says it's urgent!"

Shikamaru sits on his bed, dressed and with all his paperwork neatly packed into the box. "How about our deal? I tell you what's wrong, you let me out?"

Sakura glares. But she nods. She can't help it – it's a puzzle and she's just too curious.

"But you have to swear that you're not going to tell anyone."

"Why? Your health depends on it, your life maybe?"

"My life depends on you letting me out today. And keeping your mouth shut."

Sakura nods and sits down. On the bed, next to him, not on the doctor's chair. She is his friend, in the very end.

"Those are side effects from being away from my soulmate," tells her Shikamaru in an almost bored tone. "I will get better once I meet her."

"What do you mean? No one suffers such effects…"

"Yeah…" drags Shikamaru. "Only that I had a bad luck of meeting her already…" Sakura's eyes are size of saucers and Shikamaru continues. "You won't let me off the hook now, will you?"

"Who is she?!" demands Sakura. That would be the first person who met his soulmate that she knows. Apart from Ino's parents, but she cannot really say she knows Ino's mum. "How did you meet? When?"

"Eh… During the Chunin Exams… It was so troublesome."

"How did you realize who she is? Did you deduce from your flashes? Did you narrow down the candidates depending on their village of origin? Basing on what you've seen during the earlier visions?" Sakura shoots barrage of question at Shikamaru. It's fascinating. She wants to know everything.

Shikamaru doesn't share her enthusiasm. "I saw myself in a flash one evening. Myself, standing on the gallery during the Second Round. Creepy. As if I died and went out of my body. And, of course, I immediately hid."

"You hid?! Shika, you coward… So, how…?"

"Because I'm apparently shit at hiding. And I tend to fall asleep. She realized as well and went looking for me. Apparently, my cloud-gazing habit only helped her to narrow down the places to spot me…"

Sakura stares. She cannot believe how blasé and indifferent Shikamaru is. "But who is she?!"

"Oh, that's even more troublesome. The late Kazekage's daughter."

"Oh," says Sakura. The blonde girl sent shivers down her spine right on their first meeting. "The one you fought against in Round Three?"

"The same…"

She presses and, in the end, he tells her. Kazekage's daughter - Temari, Temari is her name – Sakura notices how something in Shikamaru's face changes when he says this name – found him on the roof of hospital. When she shook him awake, it happened. Connection has been made and its first symptom was scorching pain. Shikamaru has troubles describing it and Sakura still isn't sure if he doesn't simply keep things from her. He tells her how after Temari scolded and almost punched him for hiding from her, they did the do and the pain lessened. Shikamaru doesn't sound neither ashamed nor smug. He just skims over it. Sakura's ears are crimson red and she is too embarrassed to dwell on that part. He smoothly moves to the issues that seem to be of greater interest to him.

"I am lucky we are both smart. Because she is, even though she hides it under her brashness," says Shikamaru and there is a glint of appreciation, of pride in his eyes that Sakura has never seen from him before. "She's cunning and has that political sense that comes from growing up in the Kage's household. Without it, we wouldn't have managed."

"Managed what?"

"Managed to be together." Shikamaru turns his head and looks her straight into the eyes. "Because it is what it is about. We _have_ to be together. From the moment the connection was created, that is our goal. Our only goal. All our efforts, all our actions… Only to this end…"

"Oh. And she is from Suna, and then there was that attack…" Sakura connects the dots.

"Exactly. So, the first thing we did after we… well, after cleaned ourselves up… was to sit down and formulate the plans."

"Plans?"

"Plans." Shikamaru gazes at the ceiling. "I guess I got lucky – our assessment of situation was identical – we needed to bring Konoha and Suna to an alliance."

"Alliance? Did she even tell you that Suna was prepping for the attack? At the very same time?"

"Of course, she did. And we agreed upon the fact that we could do nothing about it."

"Nothing? You could have reported it to Hokage for gods' sake! You should have Shika, what you did was treason, so many people died, Sandaime-sama died…" Sakura gasps. She cannot believe it – her classmate a traitor?!

But Shikamaru is unimpressed. "If I had told, the risk to Temari would have been great." There is steel in his voice.

Sakura stands up. "How? How can you? It's wrong, I have to…"

"Stop." A shadow shoots towards her and wraps itself around her calf. "And let me finish." The shadow tightens - nothing that would hurt, but it squeezes firm enough not to let her forget it's there. "Temari estimated she wouldn't be able to sway her father. Had I told Hokage, he would have made a retaliatory attack on Suna. And neither of us had any influence on Orochimaru. There would have been a clash this way or another. We wouldn't have gained anything and we would have only exposed our connection."

"That is treason."

"That _was_ treason. Now it's deep in the past. Situation has changed - now Konoha seeks allies."

"And this ally will be Suna…"

"Exactly. Death of Temari's father made things easier. I briefly consider installing her as Fifth Kazekage but she talked me out of it. Women not acceptable as leaders, cultural stuff, apparently. But she has enough influence on her brother to make things go smoothly."

"And you? Have you been lobbying for alliance? Going to clans' heads?"

"That would have been contraproductive, wouldn't it? For a brat like me to press his opinion on the elders…"

"Right…" Sakura remembers that Nara Shikaku was visiting his son every day, conferring him long hours over the lunch. Only now she realizes that Shikaku was often dressed formally and not in that fur-collared jacket that made him look a feral deer-herder.

Sakura sits down. The shadow allows her. It only makes sense that Shikamaru told his father. If Shikaku Nara works actively in that direction, she can consider it settled. She is well aware how influential Shika's father is. And then she remembers all the correspondence from Suna that was coming past months to Hokage's office.

She backs off mentally. The decision has probably fallen already. What good would exposing an old disloyalty bring? It would bring death to her friend, that's for sure. And soon after, to her as well, because even if superficially laid-back, the Nara clan is not a forgiving one. None of the old clans is. Sakura suddenly feels very small. Very small and in a very dangerous place. She decides not to dwell on politics. The medical side is safer.

"But why do you have symptoms only now? If that's been going on for a year and half already?"

"I haven't seen her for too long." Sakura gives him a puzzled look so he continues. "It's contact. We need contact. The longer we know each other and the more advanced on our path we are – the less. But still… When she is so far away, for so long…" Shikamaru pauses to swallow as if something was in his throat. "It's… hard."

"In what way? Do you feel lonely? Do you miss her?"

Shikamaru snorts. "Clearly you don't know her – she's troubles incorporated. I wouldn't miss her. I don't need her. My chakra system disagrees though…"

Medic in Sakura is at full attention. "Describe?"

"It burns, my chakra is up, it's permanently excited from the moment of contact. It burns the pathways. I think it also leaks and seeps into other tissues."

"Does it hurt?"

Shikamaru nods.

"How?" That's not medically relevant. That's just Sakura's sick curiosity. Sick curiosity about something she won't be ever able to experience.

"All over. As an inflamed, infected wound."

Sakura cringes. See, there is nothing to regret there, she tells to herself. It's only suffering. Suffering laced with treason. She doesn't envy Shikamaru in the slightest. Sakura shakes her head. "No wonder people avoid soulmates at all costs."

Shikamaru looks at her. "You know me – I don't look for challenges in my life…" Sakura snorts at the understatement. "But even I… Had I had a choice whether to go down this road or not… I would have gone for it."

"Really….? Is it that good? Being with her…?"

"It's worth it. It's worth all the pain." Shikamaru stands up.

Sakura worries her lip between her teeth. "It must have been awful to fight her in the Third Round…"

"That? No, that was actually fun. We planned our performance to the notch. I think it worked out rather well, we both made an impression. I got promoted, she didn't lose her face." Shikamaru stands over her. When he is so gaunt, he looks taller. He towers over her. "Sign me out."

"Right. Right." Sakura unfolds hands on her lap. She grabs her writing board and shuffles the papers to find the correct form. A sharp nock interrupts her. Doors open and Yoshino Nara walks into the room.

"Shika, where is that box that you want me to take home?"

"It's here, mom." Shikamaru lifts the box holding all his paperwork and Sakura realizes that Yoshino knows as well. She smiles pleasantly recalling that even though Shika's mom now wears a knee-long, baggy dress, she used to be an ANBU. An ANBU specializing in solo assassination missions. Sakura smiles wider – she would be an idiot to antagonize Yoshino Nara.

Shikamaru takes the signed form from her hands, fishes out one folder from the box and leaves without looking at her. Sakura glimpses at the clock and realizes that there is a council meeting in exactly half an hour.

Two days later the alliance with Suna is publicly announced.

* * *

She meets Kiba in the library, a highly unusual event. He sits with one knee curled to his chest in front of a bench overflowing with geography books, guides, photoalbums and trip reports. Sakura perches on a tiny free corner of the table. "What are you reading?"

Kiba raises his head. "I need to find a place… a place by the sea… Such triple rock formation at the entry to the harbour. Very peculiar shape…" he drifts off as he frantically leaves through a thick illustrated book. "The Most Beautiful Landscapes of Five Elemental Countries" - says on the cover. "It has to be somewhere!"

Sakura pulls a chair and sits next to Kiba. "Why is suddenly a triple rock so important?" she laughs.

Kiba looks at her sheepishly and turns his head around to see if they are alone. "My soulmate…" he whispers, "I think she lives somewhere next to it."

Sakura takes in his expression and steals a confirmatory glimpse between the library shelves. No one in earshot, indeed. "Can you draw this formation? It will be faster if I look as well. Or I could make a pre-selection of all water-related pictures, if you want?"

After two hours they have it. 'The harbour of Kirigakure is flanked from the south with a picturesque peninsula and from the west by a rugged triple-peaked islet – terror to inexperienced foreign vessels. Boat-tours operate daily from northern promenade. Highly advisable to all, also to families with children." – reads in a travel guide to the Land of Water. Sakura jumps off from her chair and runs to the Mizu no Kuni section of the library.

Over a detailed topographic map of Kirigakure Kiba gets another illumination. "That hill, with the steps – can we find out what's there?" he points at the map. "I think she goes there often."

"That's Kiri's Ninja Academy…"

.

A year or so later, Sakura finds Kiba on the riverbank. He's curled up into himself and his face is hidden in Akamaru's fur. Even from the distance, Sakura sees that he's crying.

"Since Tuesday I didn't have any flashes," he tells her as she approaches. "At first, I thought I overlooked it, fell asleep, or didn't remember…" says Kiba through the tears. It looks so unfamiliar for a boy to be crying. It looks ugly. Sakura wonders if she also looks so ugly when she cries. "But it's been three days…"

Sakura worries her lip between her teeth. Should she offer false comfort? She decides not to. "I was sorting Hokage's post today… There have been Kiri Graduations exams three days ago…"

She leaves as Kiba grabs Akamaru's neck so hard that the dog whimpers.

* * *

Lee starts pestering Shikamaru somewhere around their fifteen birthdays. By that time the cat is out of bag about Shikamaru and Temari. Their plan worked out alright – Konoha and Suna have an alliance and except for raised brows and derogatory whispers behind their backs, they get away with their relationship.

Sakura realizes how determined Lee has gotten when she walks onto him sitting under a tree gazing intently onto a piece of paper. Sakura peeks over his shoulder and reads "My name is Rock Lee. The Youthful Green Beast of Konoha! Oh Lady of my heart, I beg you to honour me with revealing your identity. I will travel lands and seas to be at your side! I will protect you with my life!"

Lee explains – not taking his eyes from the paper – that he intends to stare at the message to his soulmate entire day long. This way, whenever the flash will happen – she will be able to read about his identity. Lee is full of hope, and the idea is, of course, Shikamaru's. Sakura thinks that only Lee is able to muster such a perseverance.

Two days later she sees him doing his hand-walking laps around Konoha with a strange contraption around his head. Most people don't dwell, deeming it yet another crazy training idea of Gai-sensei, but Sakura knows – the set of goggles holds another letter to Lee's soulmate.

It continues for a while and people get used to talking to Lee from behind various papers and writing boards. When Sakura inquiries about the progress, he answers, upbeat as always, that he is still waiting for his soulmate to reply. He cannot expect her to gaze into the paper the whole day long as he does, he says, so it must take a while. Pure probability. Sakura cannot hold back a smile hearing Shikamaru's words from Lee's mouth.

When he abruptly stops his paper-in-front-of-his-face routine, everyone notices. Lee walks through the village sporting a big smile, but something is off with his posture so Sakura asks.

"I am very happy for her, and I feel so incredibly honoured to witness her developing into full manifestation of womanhood! These are the women who bring the flower of youth to this world!" Lee announces weeping.

"Can you be more clear?" prompts Sakura. Even after so many years still unable to filter the meaning out of Gai-sensei's and Lee's gibberish.

"I saw a manifestation of pure love, the beauty so overwhelming, that I still cannot believe it didn't burn my eyes!"

"Lee! Drop the melodrama! And you didn't see her with your actual eyes, did you? So, what did you see?"

Lee gets beetroot-red. "Ehm… I saw how she opened her shirt and revealed the impeccable, subtle blossom of her feminity…"

"Lee! You pervert! You peeked on her! And what's worse, now you're bragging!"

"No! No! The womanly breasts… as beautiful and youthful as they are, they serve a higher purpose! And I am so happy" sobbed Lee, "so happy that my soulmate now experiences…"

"Lee, spit it out already!"

"She was breastfeeding an infant." Lee is crying and those aren't his usual tears of springtime of youth that Sakura have seen from him over the years. Those are tears of sadness. "That babe – it had blond hair, and green eyes, and… I'm sure it took after her. She must be so beautiful! That's how I will imagine her from now on!" Lee clenches his fists while still weeping.

Sakura keeps to herself that the baby could as well have taken after its father.

* * *

**AN:** Thanks for reading and please tell me your thoughts!

And happy MadaSaku Weekend, everyone! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Lucky**

**Part 2**

* * *

**AN:** As promised, the second part where Madara appears.

* * *

It is after the Five Kage Summit when Sakura gets the flashes.

It's not a good time for additional emotional trauma. Sakura is at her absolute lowest - she found Sasuke, she finally did. They tried killing each other. Sakura drowns in black despair. They are as low as two people can sink.

And then she gets the flashes. Not something she needs right now. They immediately start of big, minutes-long, with movement. Exhausting.

She doesn't even have time to properly process, to decide if she's happy about it or not, because the visions are so disturbing. It's a dark place, a dungeon. At first it looks to Sakura like a torture chamber. Only after the fourth evening she realizes that it is actually some form of a lab. Her soulmate is immobilized, the flashes always show the room from the same perspective. Sakura's stomach twists and turns. She looks through his eyes and feels, feels with her entire being how helpless he is.

Couple of days later she sees his captor. First as a shadow in the peripheral vision. When she sees his face, she startles out of the bed screaming. She knows this face, she remembers. A face modified, mutated but still recognizable. Kabuto. Kabuto, the treacherous Genin of Konoha, Kabuto - Orochimaru's underling. Now looking more and more like his master – his eyes that of a snake, his skin scaly. A monster. A monster with human intellect and sick curiosity, Sakura could bet her right hand on that..

She cannot fall asleep after the flash happens – she lies hours long, agitation and helplessness driving her insane. She gets troubles eating. She cannot hold her food down in the afternoon because of the dreaded anticipation of the flashes. She knows that the only way to know more is to keep watching. She knows. But that's a torture in its own right. She needs to look through the eyes of her soulmate, watch as that creep Kabuto does things to him. The evenings couldn't come sooner. And couldn't come slower.

Yet she forces herself to pay attention. To analyze. To draw conclusions. To notice all the details. Her soulmate isn't a child, of that she is sure. The flashes are long, much longer than what all her peers report. But why are they happening only now? Was he blind before? Kept in darkness? Kept in coma? Gods know what kind of experimentations was Orochimaru running. Blood runs cold in Sakura's veins – a familiar feeling by now.

Two weeks into the visions, she notices strange patches of something that looks organic on the wall of the lab. Something white, a shade of white that is somehow vaguely familiar. But she cannot put her finger on it. One day he struggles and Kabuto comes and puts a tag behind his head, out of his eyeshot and the vision breaks abruptly. The next day she (he, he, her soulmate) goes out of that cell. They are outside and Sakura strains her every braincell to memorize the surroundings. The next day, when she is almost convinced that she should go and beg Tsunade for a solo rescue mission, a breakthrough happens. Through the eyes of her soulmate she sees how the white substance on the wall forms into a face. A face of Shodai Hokage.

Sakura runs to Hokage tower at 6:30 next morning. It is bad. It is dangerously bad. But now Konoha has a reason to act.

* * *

"Shishou, allow me to go!"

"Absolutely not! You are too personally involved!"

"I saw the rooms from the inside, I know the layout of the hideout…"

"From what? From seconds' worth of vision?"

"No! Mine are long. Long enough that I could orientate myself there."

"Then you will describe it to the interception squad."

"Kabuto runs some experiments there, maybe there will be things ongoing, maybe data to save… You cannot rely on retrieval team to deliver also the data! And we know what kind of research it is – human experiments, most forbidden of kinjutsu. There might be other victims desperately needing help. Out of all the people only you, Shizune and me are qualified for the task. You have other responsibilities and Shizune is weaker than me in the direct combat. The choice should be obvious."

Tsunade's fingernail lands between her teeth. "Very sound argument. Very sound. Suspiciously so. So motivated, aren't you? That's what I meant with this soulmate business – you haven't even seen him and already it influences your decisions. Clouds your judgment. How can I trust you?"

"How can you trust me?! Shishou, I've been your student for five years! You know me! And it is your judgment that is clouded, not mine!"

"See, that's exactly what I've been afraid of. How will approach obeying orders once you've met him?"

"As before! How can you doubt it, shishou?!"

The breath that Tsunade takes is deliberate and deep. "Because that's what this soulmate shit does to people. It takes away their free will. Suddenly you _have to_. You're bound. Sakura, think about it, do you want it? Do you really want such a thing to predetermine your future…?"

Sakura's teeth dig into her lip. Hard. "I always thought I'm lucky not to have a soulmate. That's what I was telling myself. But now I saw him…" Sakura paused and corrected herself, "I saw through his eyes and I know he's suffering, captive, maybe in pain. Maybe scared. And I cannot. I cannot anymore. It hurts me so! I have to go to him. I have to help him!"

"Once you meet him, it will be settled. Whoever he is."

"Elemental nations are allying. Whatever his allegiance is, it shouldn't be a problem anymore. I can consider myself lucky."

"Administratively speaking, yes. There would probably be no legal obstacles. But what if it is a person you would never consider under normal circumstances…?"

"You mean that he would be… unattractive? Shishou, How can you judge me so low! One should look past external appearances!"

"No. I meant his qualities. What if he's cruel?" Sakura shrugs – who is Hokage who sends out death squads, to speak about cruelty? "Cowardly?" presses Tsunade. "Unintelligent?"

Sakura finds her ninja sandals suddenly very interesting.

"Do you really want to meet him?" asks her shishou and true concern is painted all over her face.

"What choice do I have? We have to eliminate Kabuto. We will bring all his prisoners here for interrogation, that's clear," Sakura tries keeping her voice confident and laced with sarcasm. Even if that's not at all how she feels like. She haven't met him yet, but she is already desperate. She was denied even hope about meeting him, and now he is in her hand's reach. "And what would you do with my soulmate? Would you lock him in a dungeon to keep me from ever lying eyes on him? Only for the crime of being a soulmate of your apprentice? Or will you have me immigrate to Suna in order to avoid him?"

* * *

They infiltrate the hideout easily. It's empty. But Sakura knows, just knows it's the correct one. She recognizes it. She pushes the thought that maybe all Orochimaru's hideouts are similar deep to the back of her mind.

In the maybe twentieth chamber Kabuto waits for them. He is ready. And as ready is an Edo Tensei reanimation that positions itself between its master and the attackers. "Uchiha Madara!" exclaims one of the jōnins from her squad. Sakura recognizes him as well – he looks exactly like in the history books.

"Retreat!" shouts Sakura. This isn't an opponent they calculated to face. They expected Kabuto and his prisoners. Not the most powerful ninja after Shodai, as a reanimated version on the top of it.

Hyūga jōnin pushes the reanimation with Twin Lion Fists to create some distance. Sakura shoots a barrage of poisoned senbon towards Kabuto. Reanimation shields him, but Sakura has chakra strings attached to her needles. Two reach the target. Paralyzing poison will work within seconds. Sakura has no doubts that Kabuto doesn't have immunity to it. No one has. She created this poison herself, she modified molecules Suna-style. There_ is_ no poison like this one. She was saving it for Sasuke, but now…

The poison doesn't work on reanimations. Of course, it doesn't. To her left, a Hyūga jōnin falls with a kunai lodged into his forehead. Another one slides down the floor, dead before he hits the ground, his neck snapped. Uchiha Madara's eyes move onto her, and Sakura is sure that with all her training, all her strength, her Byakugō and her healing mastery – she stands no chance. There won't be the second coming of Sannin. Because she dies right here and right now.

But before she manages to die, something else happens. She looks into Mangekyō Sharingan and the world stops. Earth and Moon stop their dance. Waterfalls freeze. Raindrops somewhere at the coast of Kiri hang suspended in the air.

There is only her and a tide that rises in her chest. A current that spreads across her chakra system, that intensifies until it leaks into her nerves. And when it does – it starts to burn.

It hurts so much that her body screams. She feels it – that tidal wave of sensation Shikamaru tried describing. It's indescribable - now she understands. _'Eye contact. All that is needed is direct eyes contact'_ – is her first conscious thought. Her second – that he is an Edo Tensei resurrection and it doesn't seem to matter.

Uchiha Madara drops kunai that was pointed at her neck. He looks stunned. Sakura wonders how does she look. He sways, steps back and props himself against the cot. He makes no move to attack her, and the three remaining Konoha shinobi pounce at him spreading sealing scrolls. He waves them off, setting them on fire, along with their scrolls. Sakura barely registers that the flames are black. She barely registers horrid screams of her fellow Konoha shinobi burning alive.

She swaggers and palms blindly at the wall behind her. It hurts, it hurts so much and her head spins.

The pain threatens to rip her chest apart. It's like then, when Sasuke rejected her over and over again – but multiplied thousand-fold. It feels as if her organs are about to shut down. She wants to laugh: a love pain – what kind of cliché is this supposed to be? Another wave of pain teaches her humility.

The room goes quiet, only their heavy breathing disturbing the silence. Sakura pushes herself from the wall and walks to him. She needs to get to him. That's all that matters now.

He half sits propped on his cot, so he doesn't tower over her when she comes closer. She has no idea what is she doing and why is she doing it, but she does it anyway. She steps closer. And closer. Her cheek is against his chest and her arms around his waist. And his arms are around her. It hurts a bit less now and Sakura can gather her thoughts.

"You're Edo Tensei. If the technique is undone, you'll disappear…" she says. She won't survive it. She is sure she won't. His hands press harder against her waist, to the point of pain. And then he moves her away, just lifts her and puts her to the side as if she was an object.

"I won't," he says and Sakura realizes that those are his first words to her. He walks up to Kabuto. Sakura lets out a relieved breath realizing that her poisons holds the snake creep well and tight. Madara tilts Kabuto's chin and Kabuto starts folding his hands into a sequence of seals. "Rat. Ox. Monkey. Tiger. Dragon. Boar."

"What?! No!" Sakura screams as she realizes that it is a release seal. She grabs Madara's elbow, trying to stop him, but his body goes grey, colorless, even the armor. The dust flutters around him. Strange light emanates from him and beams up. "No!" Sakura screams. "Don't go! Don't leave me!"

She sees him – real him, floating above the Edo Tensei body. His skin lacks cracks, his eyes have white sclera. He shines. And he is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. "Don't go!"

And then the paper-like scales of Edo Tensei expand to the luminous being, grab and drag it down to encase it again. It's awful, it's disgusting and it's the best thing ever. Sakura latches herself to him again.

Madara reaches to Kabuto's head with both hands and twists it - Kabuto falls like a rag doll. Madara turns to her, steps into her space, pushes her in front of him. She half doesn't want to, but he moves too decisively. Her behind touches the cot and he lifts her up. Sakura opens her legs to let him stand as close as possible. Quick, quick, she won't manage much longer. She has no idea why and how but they need to get closer. Her fingers go to the clasps fastening his armor and she cannot undo them -it's some old-fashioned buckles. He pushes her hands away and does it himself. Sakura cuts through her shorts and underwear with chakra scalpel – taking off her high boots to undress properly would take too long.

She leans back and spreads her legs wider. Sudden cold between her tights informs her that she must be wet down there. He steps in between her legs, leans down and enters her. She may be wet, but she's far from ready, and it hurts. But it's nothing in comparison to that torturous burning of her chakra system so Sakura clenches her teeth and pushes back against him. There is no time for pleasantries. The scorching inferno inside her ebbs and mellows. There's still heat but it's now more akin of that from a fireplace. It doesn't burn anymore.

His thrusts disturb her balance so she shifts even more backwards and grabs hold of the other side of the cot. She tilts her pelvis and hooks her legs behind his back. The changed angle gives him a better access and he bottoms out. Sakura grunts with discomfort.

The warmth swims through her and flickers inside her. It surrounds her, fills her. It's a golden euphoria. She doesn't understand it, there are no reasons, absolutely no reasons for euphoria, yet she feels it. Pure joy overflows her brain.

She opens her eyes and looks at where he disappears in her. It's wrong, it's revolting, because down there also he doesn't look quite like a living human. But it's also erotic and there is a spark of pleasure when his weight presses at her pubic bone. Small pleasure, much too small, but Sakura welcomes it. Shelves for later the notion that maybe, maybe there could be something in it for her – something ordinary, something similar to what she knows from sneaky touches under the bedcovers when she made sure her parents had fallen asleep.

His speed increases and Sakura thinks that maybe there is something in it for him. Or she would think if she could even formulate a thought through that golden, molten euphoria that pours into her limbs and into her belly and into her head. She reaches up and grabs his shoulders. He somehow manages to hold her in place and digs so deep. And stills. When he lets his head rest on her shoulder, the golden euphoria takes away her sight. She tangles her fingers into his hair and clings to him, because she's flying, she's drowning, she's floating. And she only feels that he is clinging to her as well.

Long minutes later he withdraws, and there are no fluids from him to spill from Sakura. Only her own juices stain the cot. A small blessing, she thinks. It makes it a bit less revolting.

She slides down, and heals herself absentmindly, while Madara loots weapons and equipment from the killed Hyūga. Sakura walks to the Nara jōnin and methodically empties his pockets. That's another blessing – that they are both smart enough to understand the situation. The course of action is obvious, neither of them needs to speak a word. The logical deduction suffices – they need to go, and they need supplies.

Sakura starts to understand why are soulmate so vilified. Half an hour ago she was a loyal shinobi of Konoha. She had goals, many goals – serve her village, protect her friends, get stronger. Create a children's hospital. Master Senjutsu. Before she decided to come here, she still hoped to get Sasuke back… To get Sasuke to love her… So many dreams, so many ambitions, so many hopes. Some foolish, admittedly, but still, all hers. Now all was narrowed to one: 'be with him for every moment of her life'.

And that requires a re-evaluation of priorities.

They finish collecting the supplies. Upon leaving the room Madara sends the ball of that black fire inside it. Sakura doesn't stop to marvel – she will have many chances in the future.

Once outside the hideout, she channels a large portion of her chakra into her fist and punches – the underground corridors collapse in radius of many hundreds of meters.

"Which way to Konoha?" he asks.

She points and he heads in the opposite direction.

"Do you have a plan?" she asks.

"Several ones. For various turns of events. None of them featured you though…" He scans her up and down, as if evaluating her. "I will need to reformulate. Brief me in. How many years had passed from Konoha founding?"

"Seventy-six…"

"I see… Then start with all major international conflicts that took place over last two decades. Wars, alliances, coup d'états, Kages' elections. Ownership and status of jinchuuriki."

Sakura talks. She talks until her throat is sore. He was lucky that it was her, she thinks. She has all the intel, even the top secret one.

It's midday and she gets restless, she gets scared that he will disappear, leave her, that whatever they are doing won't work… She had told him everything already and he doesn't ask further. An hour later she is panicked and it hurts. It hurts again and she wonders if he feels the same. He is silent and his mouth is in thin line.

Sakura grabs his sleeve. Contact. She needs contact. She needs to make sure he's there, that he's with her.

And yes, he must have been feeling something similar because he shoves her against the nearest tree and hoists her up. The bark scratches her back bloody as he plows into her. "Put me down," she pleads and he complies. She turns around, embraces the tree trunk and endures. He digs deep and he hurts her again but it doesn't matter – it's contact, and she needs it. Pain and panic morph into euphoria again. Rest she heals with one flick of hand after they're done.

In the evening the set up a camp. He is useful when it comes to starting a fire. Sakura eats, he doesn't. Sakura crouches near fire seeking warmth. He doesn't need it. When they lie for the night, they seek her pleasure. _He_ seeks her pleasure. She doesn't like his kisses – his mouth is dry, like paper, like charred wood. She doesn't like when he kisses her, and she doesn't like it when he kisses her _there_. She tells him to stop. His fingers are skillful enough though. He has her guide him, makes her show him how to touch her. His fingers are nimble and long, and she comes around them. And then a second time when he's inside her and he rubs at the bundle of her nerves just how she needs it.

She falls asleep. He doesn't. But he holds her through the night.

She wakes up before dawn, and his arm is still across her chest. He isn't warm. Or rather he is, but in the same way a blanket would get warm from person's body over the night. He doesn't breathe. Sakura cries.

Next morning before they get up, they do it again. There is less urgency in it, and the roll of their bodies; no, of her body, and that of some poor sacrifice; is almost soothing.

"Is there even pleasure for you in it?" Sakura asks him when they're done. "Apart from relief from this pain?"

He takes quite long to answer. "In some way… My mind remembers how is this supposed to feel."

.

He weaves strange sequence of handseals – a modified summoning jutsu, it seems to Sakura – and a white creature emerges from the ground. Sakura's childhood nightmares stare her in the face. She tenses to punch and fight but the creature ignores her. Madara shoots question after question at it. The sense of most escape Sakura.

Madara mentions "Obito" – Sakura strains her memory and remembers that that's how a late teammate of her sensei was called.

Madara is done and creature bows slightly in farewell. A blue ghastly hand grabs it in half, lifts it over the surface before it could merge with earth again. The white flesh of the creature doesn't burn well, as fresh wood wouldn't, but in the end the black fire prevails.

They take an abrupt change of direction, and head north, into the mountains. Sakura has time to mourn her past life.

She questions him in the end. He answers readily, his responses in the same time mind-boggling and exactly what she expected. He needs to find Rinnegan, his own Rinnegan - it turns out. And get someone to perform Rinne Tensei jutsu on him.

She is lucky, she thinks. She got so lucky – they need the impossible to happen, they need a true resurrection to be together, to really be together. And he knows how to orchestrate it and has the power to make I happen. _'I'm lucky. I'm so lucky,' _thinks Sakura.

The urgency for contact fades slowly, and over the next days that frantic pulls is there no more. Thank gods, thinks Sakura, she already started to question how did people with soulmates function at all.

They travel mostly in silence. Sakura is too fidgety to start a conversation, too volatile, too scared to cross him. She crossed his entire existence anyhow. But when they set the camp for the night, she puts her legs across his thighs, or sits nestled between his legs. That kind of closeness helps a lot. They make love before she falls asleep. Slowly, purposelessly. They are not in hurry anymore.

They don't speak much and Sakura realizes why – they both set a priority and they agree on the course of action. There is nothing to discuss. Sakura thanks all the gods once again for the partner whose thoughts follow the same path as hers.

They find the hideout and they find the eye.

On the track back south Madara catches an Iwa-nin. Sakura begs him to let him go and he does. They spend next four days tracking a band of brigands. Brigands are bad people, right? They kill them all, save their leader. Sakura transplants the eye to the paralyzed man and Madara's genjutsu does the rest.

When he's revived she's not allowed to lose her cool. She retrieves the Rinnegan from the still warm body and transplants it yet again.

She doesn't want it to happen right there and then. Not on the bloodied ground, please not on the bloodied ground. She makes them get some kilometers away from the battlefield. From the slaughterfield.

Then she doesn't make him do anything anymore. His mouth is wet and finally he tastes as something. He breaks the kiss time after another to catch the breath, and there is a thinnest thread of saliva still connecting them when they separate.

She doesn't chase her pleasure this time, she goads him to go how he likes it. His body – finally his body – is heavy and warm over her. There is a sheen of sweat on his back as he plows into her, she feels it under her fingertips. It's clammy there where they connect and she hears his heartbeat. And then there is a spurt of hot stickiness inside her and Sakura cries. She cries out of happiness, because finally, finally they managed.

They find Obito, and Obito falls. His world collapses with Madara's betrayal, Sakura notices it even though she sees the man for the first time in her life. Obito dies with a broken heart. From the monstrous statue Madara releases Tailed Beasts and tells them to run. They do.

She holds his hand as they turn and head east. She has no idea where are they going, and she suspects that neither does he. But it doesn't matter. She's lucky. She's so lucky. She is happy.

* * *

**AN:** Thank you for reading, and I would love to know what you think about this fic!


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